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Often when we look at conflict we immediately begin to think negatively of the experience.  Many do not look forward to conflict and some will go to great measures to avoid conflict.  Steinbuch (2010) describes how we are able to move past this feeling toward conflict into a "resolution revolution" in which we always aim for the win-win and strengthen relationships in the midst of the conflict resolution.

A personal example in which I have had a conflict strengthen a relationship is that of the initial contacts with my primary care doctor.  Dr. Margaret Crossman is a thorough and respected doctor in our area.  She has a great client base and spends a significant amount of time with her patients.  When I first met Dr. Crossman, it was at an acute stage of my illness.  My heart rate was uncontrolled and my symptoms were very concerning.  Yet, emergency room doctors were unable to diagnose and the symptoms continued to worsen.  With many dollars spent and no treatment options provided, I was furious and was seeking help from those that had limited knowledge on how to help me.

As I laid across the exam table with tears of frustration rolling down my cheek, I pleaded for help.  I explained how my only mode of mobility was through crawling and that each time I stood, I would fall over.  It was at this time that I began to make headway in the conflict.  As a participant in the conflict, I looked to my husband who served as a mediator.  He was able to verify the symptoms and offer the doctor a less emotional point of view.

Dr. Crossman was able to listen to the concerns and she was willing to read the literature I brought her describing Dysautonomia.  Her eyes began to open to this rarely diagnosed disorder to which she had yet to have a patient in her 20+ years of practice.  She realized this was not psychosomatic, but rather a true autonomic nervous system disorder.

At the end of the conflict, Dr. Crossman was able to deepen her understanding of the medical condition Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome/Dysautonomia and I was able to begin receiving the necessary care to decrease the severity of symptoms.  I could have just remained in bed.  I could have continued crawling on the floor and letting doctors dismiss my concerns.  Instead, I knew that the conflict was necessary to move forward toward the end goal of improved health.  With this conflict, we were able to arrive at a win-win situation and now have a great relationship built on mutual respect.

Pearl Steinbuch, (2010) "Getting to Resolution: Turning Conflict into Collaboration (2nd ed.)", Leadership & Organization Development Journal, Vol. 31 Iss: 5, pp.478 - 479