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All my life I have stood out from the crowd.  Growing up, my older sister could not stand how socially-awkward I was and still is a little ashamed to be in public with me at times.  When I was young, I simply did not care what other people thought about my views, my actions or beliefs.  I was me and I was comfortable being me.  If I had a huge zit on my face, I didn't try to put makeup on it, I didn't shy away from it and if someone gawked at it, I would laugh and say, "I know!  Isn't it big!"

When it was time to go off to college, I remember the cheer captain and I were carpooling together on a trip back from our new campus and we had a group of boys drive up next to us that were making suggestive faces.  Catie and I looked at each other, giggled and then proceeded to begin picking our noses and smiling at the boys as we drove off.  We just didn't care about that stuff.

Today, in the social era of leaders taking selfies with filters, posting to LinkedIn, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and who knows what else, I sometimes find myself at a loss.  I see these selfies of women leaders that look flawless.  Hah! I still to this day do not have the faintest clue how to use the majority of socially accepted makeup "must haves." My goodness, if I tried this whole "contouring" thing, my husband would think I had experienced an explosion of custard, chocolate and whip cream on my face from yet another failed baking attempt.

Does this socially awkward lifestyle I live make me less effective as a leader? Am I somewhat at a loss in my level of emotional intelligence? Yes.  To some crowds.  If I am looking to win over followers that are attending a Mary Kay convention, I am sure that my poor placement of eye shadow or mismatched skin tones will be distracting and hinder my message delivery to some.  I have to be aware of what my message is, what my mission is, what social setting I am in, what expectations are among the members of the audience, and I need to weigh out what is important to create the most effective delivery.

Thankfully, I have been graced with an attitude of humility nearly all my life.  I generally find that a little self-deprecating humor can go a long way.  For example, if I were trying to discuss domestic violence prevention among Mary Kay reps who have a desire to help women across the nation, I would begin by saying something like:

"Ladies, I know we are here today to talk about some really sensitive topics, but I have to ask for your help.  The other night, I tried doing this contouring make-up thing and when my husband saw me he thought I was trying to audition for a role in Cats. (Displaying a picture similar to this to elicit laughter among the audience).  I would then ask if those who are willing to help me in my personal quest to conquer contouring would connect with me after the presentation.

 Goldman (2009) explains that an emotionally intelligent leader has to have self-awareness, master a great level of self-management, be socially aware, and have exceptional social skill. That does not mean that a leader has to fit in with their followers.  Meaning, the leader does not have to walk the same, talk the same, act the same or do the same as the followers.  There is a reason why the leader is in a position to stand out.  That being said, it is imperative to understand the role that the leader plays with his/her followers.

In my example above, I would be discussing a topic of Domestic Violence with Mary Kay consultants.  The leadership I would be embodying is that of a social advocate for change, not a cosmetologist.  I would need to make it very clear that I am not trying to be the next Pink Cadillac driving CEO at Mary Kay.  If that were the case, I would really need to spend time focusing on my cosmetic skill as this would be integral to the social skills of that cultural group.  


McKee, Boyatzis & Johnson (2008) describe this awareness as being mindful.  The ability to be attuned to your own mind, body, heart and spirit and then understand the role you play in the world around you is a critical element of being an effective leader.  While yes, I may think that spending money on cosmetics is just silly, I need to realize that I am living in a culture that values beauty.  As much as I wish the world would be filled with people that only see the inner beauty in others, I need to realize that there are people who still operate in somewhat shallow belief systems and by disregarding their need for aesthetic appeal, I could adversely impact the message I am delivering.

Will I continue to be socially awkward at times? Absolutely!  I am a 90-year-old woman in a 33-year-old woman's body.  I have lived through enough to realize what really matters and what really doesn't.  Therefore, when I am home and with those who accept me as I am, I will proudly adorn my crazy hair, my mismatched outfits and fail to hide my blemishes.  I will be silly, I will sing off tune and I will laugh loudly at my own silly jokes.  When I go in to an executive meeting or when I present in front of a large crowd with a diverse audience of differing maturity levels, I will adhere to (some) of the socially accepted norms and dress, act and even wear make-up accordingly.  You better believe as soon as I get home those clothes are going in the hamper, jewelry on the counter top, war paint on my wash rag and I will be in those ratty worn pajamas in no time flat. Hey, an effective leader needs time to reflect peacefully in pajamas too! :) 

Goleman, D. (2009). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Hay Group Inc. Retrieved fromwww.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

 McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub. 

 (Links to an external site.)

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     Am I a resonant leader?  Resonant leaders are said to inspire, create an atmosphere of hope and positive regard, have high emotional intelligence, demonstrate compassion and have authenticity.  In my daily life I try to meet all of these qualities and some days I succeed, some days I fall short.  The last few days have been more of the latter than the former.  On the days where my health is good, I try to expend as much energy as possible while maintaining balance to improve the world around me.  Some days are spent in bed, lights off, not able to move and wondering what type of leader I am when I can hardly get up to do daily hygiene tasks.  I do not wallow in self-pity.  I simply try to focus on the moment at hand.  When the migraines hit, I turn off all the lights and try to soothe my daughter so as to minimize the external stimuli in our home.  When the fatigue and body aches come, I  pray through them and try not to exert myself to worsen the symptoms.  It is a great balancing act and a relatively silent struggle behind the scenes of what is portrayed out in the community.
     Yet, I do not give up. Perhaps that is the inspiring part.  Perhaps that is the hope and positive influence I have on others.  I will often hear from someone that I just met that when they see me they are inspired.  I suppose they see a wheelchair and instantly think of what life would be like for them if they could no longer walk.  Would they still be able to smile through it?  I don't always smile.  Though, when I am seen smiling it is authentic happiness.  It is an attitude of gratitude for being able to have vision, hearing, tactile sensations, the ability to breathe independently and enjoy the laughter of my daughter.
    Last week I was able to share a stage with 26 amazing leaders across the nation that utilize a wheelchair for mobility.  The word "Inspire" was used countless times by the Master of Ceremonies during the event.  But what if I wasn't in a wheelchair?  Would my life still inspire?  Would my actions still resonate?
     I hope so.  I hope that when I lead, I am doing so with such optimism, with such authenticity and with such positive regard that whomever I am connecting with will leave the encounter with an improved sense of self-worth or an improved understanding of how they can reach their own goals.  Similar to Jackson's (2012) assertion, I feel that by helping someone understand their purpose and their cause, you will cultivate inspiration in the process.  People are inspired by a cause and a good leader can help create that unity of purpose among their followers.
    So what message, what cause am I supporting to unite and inspire others?  My mission is to help people look at whatever life circumstance they are currently facing as a "Perfect Opportunity To Shine" (POTS- the condition I have which requires me to use a wheelchair for mobility).  Could I narrow my focus to something that is relative to those only utilizing a wheelchair?  Sure.  Would I be as effective or resonant?  No.  One day I will get out of that chair and dance.  One day I will live a full life free of health issues.  One day there will be a cure.  In the meantime, I am charging forward in a 6 mph vehicle every single day to get us there faster.  It is reassuring that McKee, Boyatzis, and Johnston (2008), "Leadership is a conscious process, starting with clarity about one's own personal vision and hopes for the future." (p. 43)  I previously thought that a resonant leader had to be completely selfless and not geared toward their own desires.  I now understand that by focusing on what matters most to you, what drives you, what motivates you, what gives you passion, you will create such energy among your followers that others will want to join you in your efforts.  At that time, it is essential to meet the needs of fostering positive relationships by promoting compassion, empathy, authenticity and hope during your interactions.  It will not always be rainbows and butterflies, but it is the attitude that will give altitude toward the dreams and ambitions of all involved.  Each day it is my goal to continue that process of building one another up so we can reach our goals together hoping that our actions will resonate well into the lives of future generations.


Jackson, B. (2012). Give your people a cause and inspiration will follow. Human Resource Management International Digest, 20(2), 32-34. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/09670731211208184

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub. 

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"What makes you think you are qualified to provide that training?"  I still hear the echoes of those words today. Words spoken by a woman I respected and even thought of as a great leader.  I thought she was a great leader because she pushed me and allowed me to grow.  Others thought she was a horrible leader.  A leader that created dissonance.  A leader that made people feel replaceable.

It took some time before I was able to realize that she truly was in need of some leadership training.  She often made people feel demeaned, unappreciated, and did not display competence in the areas she was trying to promote within the business.  For example, the company had to go through a mandated electronic health record implementation and she expected we all become proficient in the software.  However, it did not appear that she made learning the software a large priority.  While she did attend some training on the software, she often would allow herself to be pulled away by other, more important issues.  Knowing that leaders are in high demand, and realizing that she was the CEO of not one, not two, but three organizations, I am not throwing stones.  I commend her for doing as much as she did.  However, the person she appointed to be in charge also did not have competence in the software, nor did she engage the employees. The Vice President was often asleep at her large desk and would leave early to go home, never returning to work.  People would watch as her car would drive out of the parking lot, knowing they were required to stay past 5 p.m.

I could see some positive qualities in each of these leaders, but the leaders that brought out the best in me were those leaders that inspired.  The leaders that really helped you see the best in you.  That leader has been Dr. Linda Pittenger.  This incredible woman is humble and allows others to see their value through reflective processes.  Not only does she help you feel empowered and challenged, she will personally get behind your effort and support your endeavors.  She moves from a role of professor into a role of mentor and coach.  She inspires students to achieve their best.  She does not accept less than what can be delivered because she knows her students can reach the highest levels of academic success.  Her personal career has proven that she can overcome the stereotypes and inequalities in the workforce and rise to the top as an amazingly empowered female leader.  Her leadership has sparked a hope among other women that we too can climb the ladder to success, even among those that are unable to walk at all!  She has helped me personally through overcoming my disability and believing that I can continue to lead from a wheelchair. She even helped me compete in the Ms. Wheelchair America pageant and it was the hope she provided that encouraged me to keep going even when I was exhausted!

Boyatzis and McKee (2005), state, "[Resonant] leaders are moving people- powerfully, passionately, and purposefully."(p.2)  Dr. Pittenger ("Dr. P") does just that.  She motivates her students and those within her circles of influence to identify their purpose, communicate it passionately and increase their own power of influence through a resonant manner.  I hope to one day reflect this same resonance that has been modeled to me by Dr. P.!

Biography of Dr. Linda M. Pittenger. (n.d.). Retrieved August 15, 2016, from http://emr.case.edu/about/linda-pittenger.pdf

Boyatzis, Richard, & McKee, Annie (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business

Press.

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When looking at the startup of the NeXT Inc. company during the late 80's and early 90's following the movement of Steve Jobs from Apple, I would find myself in a high level of uncertainty as an employee.  In the video, Jobs becomes outwardly critical of those that differ in opinion or question his aggressive goals,  When developers caution the loss of functionality in the rush to meet a roll-out date or desire to put aesthetics over substance of the software, Jobs was quick to dismiss these thoughts, requesting his followers think more about the exciting new logo or focus more on the vision of the company.  I am not sure if this was a blind area (Brown, 2011, p. 247) for Jobs or if he preferred to be unbending and dismissive as a leader.  Either way, I was very turned off by this business practice and leadership style.  If I am going to be part of a team, I expect for my contributions to be at least heard and definitely not ridiculed publicly.  Critical thought should go into a response from a leader, not a knee-jerk retort.

I honestly believe the NeXT Inc. business structure was much like a rebound relationship.  Apple was the company for which Jobs had devoted his life and he knew this was going to be his baby.  With my desire to be placed in a mid-sized conservative business with some desire for risk, I could see myself abandoning ship quickly in the mood-swings and lack of structure defined at NeXT Inc.

As charasmatic as Jobs is, he did not provide the security of knowing that I would receive a paycheck to help keep the roof over my family or food on the table.  I am not in a place in my life to take the risk necessary to be part of a startup business like that of NeXT Inc.

One thing that I did learn from Jobs was his uncompromising nature for excellence.  I often will relinquish to the group if I believe that the group is overworked, underpaid or just tired.  I will make sure the project maintains the values of the company but will compromise perfection for the sake of maintaining resources.  I am still uncertain as to whether this is better to always expect excellence, as Jobs was pretty successful in the design and appeal of the IOS software and hardware.  People love the sleek nature and it has almost become a status symbol to be a Mac or Iphone consumer.

The most important thing I am learning through this, though, is that I need to be willing to evolve, change, and like Jobs, bounce back after failure or obstacles.



Brown, D. R. (2011). An Experiential Approach to Organizational Development (E. Svendsen Ed. 8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

Nathan/Tyler Production. (2012, January 19). Steve Jobs Brainstorms with NeXT Team. Retrieved August 01, 2016, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loQhufxiorM