When I first began the Master of Science in Leadership program at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University I was a full-time employee, a new mom to a beautiful young infant daughter, and a new step-mom to two teenagers. Life was full of excitement. It also was full of new questions and concerns that eventually led to a diagnosis of Dysautonomia.
While my physical condition began to progressively worsen with time, I noticed that my cognitive style, intellectual functioning and ability to recall information or reflect accurately was impacted. It was extremely frustrating to go from a place of high functioning cognition to a place of poor intellectual functioning with reliance on others for information gathering and critical analysis.
My values began to shift as I began to understand the need for self-care as superior to the need for advancement in the organization. As I went under anesthesia, not know for certain if I would wake up, I remember thinking about what was really important in life. I only saw the faces of my family and not those of my co-workers.
My attitudes toward change began to improve. I started to move from a place of rigidity in performance-based evaluation, to appreciating the entire picture of an employee. I also began to look at a need for diversity where previously I only wanted the top producer in the workforce. This really shook me to the core. Whereas my previous self would have implemented a "no-excuses" mentality, I now find myself requiring accommodations to meet expectations and standards.
My ability to identify my own personality quirks, tendencies and attributes, or my core self-evaluation, has improved since initiation of the MSLD program. Through the reflective exercises, the group discussions and the engagement with peers and instructors, I have developed a greater awareness of my areas of weakness and strengths to which I can build upon as I grow. This is an area that I am continually developing and learning about through each exercise in the MSLD program.
The greatest level of adaptation in regard to the five core aspects of self-awareness would be my attitudes toward change. Had it not been for my loss of mobility and use of a wheelchair for 100% of my daily mobility, I do not know that I would have experienced such growth. According to the text, this aspect of self-awareness has two dimensions- "locus of control" and "intolerance of ambiguity" (Whetton & Cameron, 2016, p. 48) I have had to come to realize that there are some things beyond my control and not everything is based off of an internal locus. I have become more balanced in this area of life. Moreover, when I previously saw standards, regulations and output as black and white, I now realize the need to look at employees holistically. They may be superior performers and provide great return on investment, but if that candle is going to burn out quickly due to lack of proper health care or over-exertion/stress, it is far more important to create balance in the workforce to foster longevity of a great employee. This is a huge lesson to learn.
Bringing this back to home, I have learned a great deal about becoming more centered and balanced in life. I have learned to slow down. I have learned that I can not expect myself to be "supermom." I am a human being that requires certain things to function. I need to make sure my basic needs are met before I expect myself to excel or push myself to do more than what is necessary. Where I previously cared about pushing the envelope and excelling in each endeavor, I now realize that small victories are still victories and consistent performance is key.
Whetten, D. & Cameron, K. (2016). Developing Managerial Skills (9th Ed). Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall.
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