No one is perfect, including me. As I have grown, I have come to realize that my greatest strengths are also indications of my greatest weaknesses. As the balance tips to one side, it loses the weight on the opposite end of the spectrum. For example, a distinct strength that people often find in performance reviews and coaching sessions is my ability to overcome obstacles, maintain focus and the tenacity/determination displayed during a project task.
However, this also means that I have a weakness of being ultra-focused at times, needing to become reclusive and shut out others from the world around me. A real life instance this week was in trying to regain my health. In order to do this, I needed to solely focus on the basic functions of my body and not add anything to the mix for the majority of the week.
My doctor was concerned about my blood work and she said that she wanted me to start a new routine, referring to a nutritionist and then ordering a whole new set of tests. She wanted me to make sure the second I began feeling thirsty, that I made sure to drink many fluids. The first indication of needing to use the restroom was not to be ignored. She wanted me to make sure I put no extra stress on my body. If my heart started to have palpitations or if I felt I was moving into a tachycardic state, she wanted me to be completely still and try to regulate my breathing. After several days of what appeared to be me doing nothing on the exterior (i.e. letting laundry pile up, dishes left in sink, etc.), I began to notice some improvement in my health. The issue is I need to retrain my psyche to allow myself to not achieve a task immediately. If I am trying to do the dishes and I get as far as washing one fork when I get an urge to go to the restroom or need to lay down, I must stop and come back to it later. That is a huge difference in my personal balance routines of the past.
Much like an Obsessive-Compulsive eater that only eats one item on their plate at a time, hyper-focusing on that food and then moving on to the next, I have been able to multi-task, with most successful task completion happening in the wee-hours in the morning when there are no other distractions and I have the ability to knock out the items on my to-do list. Now I know that whether it is 2am or 2pm, and whether it means that I may not meet deadlines, I must not put the added stress on my body and must prioritize my physical needs first.
When completing the exercise in the McKee, Boyatzis & Johnson (2008) text, I arrived at the following responses to the personal balance form questions:
- Distinct Strengths:Optimistic outlook, tenacity, good communicative ability, servant leadership style
- Potential Strengths: Deepening relationships with others. I spend very little time growing in my relationships with others or investing in those relationships outside of family. These are so important and I should begin making time to invest in others.
- Enduring Dispositions: Smile often, desire to "never give up", pray often, light-hearted
- Liabilities: Inability to "throttle back" at times and re-center, neglecting self for purpose of achievement
- Weaknesses I want to change: I want to begin spending more time investing in my health and my relationships with others, understanding that this foundation will help me grow in my future successes
- Enduring Dispositions that Get in the Way: A behavior I would like to change is my limited eye contact when I speak with others. Due to difficulty with cognition, I often have to either close my eyes or look into space to retrieve the words when vocalizing speech. However, this is not conducive to proper interpersonal communication and I need to begin practicing maintaining eye contact while speaking, training my brain to recall words during eye-contact.
According to Bergland (2014), "Looking someone directly in the eyes during a conversation is the key to making any social, professional, or romantic connection. We rely on eye contact to communicate and connect with one another on a conscious and unconscious level." While I am a wonderful listener and will maintain eye-contact during receptive communication, I need to understand and prioritize the importance of making this weakness into a strength through a balanced approach. Goman (2014) asserts that eye contact is much like the Goldilocks and the three bears. You need to find just the right method and delivery of affixing your gaze in order to ensure the other individual is comfortable and not feeling stared down or dismissed. I will likely practice on my ever-willing husband and together we will likely improve our shared communication skills in the process. I love how our courses have been helping our relationship grow and then how our improved relationship helps us become more successful in our interactions with others.
Bergland, C. (2014). The Neuroscience of Making Eye Contact. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 2, 2016 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201403/the-neuroscience-making-eye-contact
Goman, C. (2014). Fascinating Facts About Eye Contact. Forbes. Retrieved October 2, 2016 from http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2014/08/21/facinating-facts-about-eye-contact/#5d3fb060518b
McKee,
A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader: Develop
your emotional intelligence, renew
your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub.
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